


Wait

by dramatichowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, One Shot, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Why Did I Write This?, i cried, omg i am so sorry, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 01:58:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3191243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramatichowell/pseuds/dramatichowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan never realised he’d fallen in love until he fell so hard that he couldn’t get back up again. He didn’t realise that you could need someone as much until he realised how much he needed Phil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wait

Dan sits out on one of the chairs on the balcony, looking out at the city of Manchester. His eyes lit up only by the glowing of the cars and streetlights below, a light summer breeze tickling his face blowing his fringe back only the slightest. He doesn’t exactly know why he came out here, he just did.

A small tear slips down his cheekbone as he watches some people below, people who are completely oblivious of the pain he is going through.

Normally, he and Phil would sit out here together and watch the sun go down. They would sit and laugh, make up stories about peoples lives, talk about their own, read the hilarious fan-fictions written about them, or sometimes, just sit in a comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company. But the universe is rarely so kind these days.

Dan always thought himself to be one of the most fortunate human beings out there. He has a fantastic job, which provides him with enough money to do what he loves, he has a great group of friends, he is fairly good looking and he has a best friend who couldn’t be any more perfect for him. Sure he went through some tough times when he was a teenager, but he thought those tough times were over, he thought that everything would be ok after he moved in with Phil.

But he was wrong.

Dan never realised he’d fallen in love until he fell so hard that he couldn’t get back up again. He didn’t realise that you could need someone as much until he realised how much he needed Phil.

When Phil was taken to hospital after being hit by a car Dan was terrified, he ran faster than he had ever ran in his life, only to be told that Phil may die and only his family could be by his side and he were to go home and get some rest.

But how are you meant to “go home and rest” when the one person you truly care about in the world is dying? How are you meant to “go home and rest” when you haven’t had the chance to tell them that you actually haven fallen in love them? When you have spent your life being platonic friends with them when you know you could have been so much more?

Dan lets out a sob and puts his face in his hands. What would he do if Phil died? He would be heartbroken and lonely. He would be nothing without Phil. To be honest he wouldn’t last long without Phil. Phil had saved him from some dark times back in 2009, would he go back to those if he lost Phil?

Dan’s sobs are becoming harder to control and he starts struggling for breath, tears streaming down his face and he tries his best to think of happy memories, but the only thing that comes to mind when he thinks of happy, are the bright blue eyes that he has become ever so fond of.

Standing, Dan curses the universe for being so cruel and smashes his fist into the glass door, which of course goes straight through making a hole and causing him to whip his hand back in pain.

Dan crouches back down onto the floor with his back to the city and cradles his left hand, which is currently covered in blood and glass. He wants Phil to kiss it better. He wants to kiss _Phil_ better.

He sits there and cries until there are no tears left to cry, and the blood on his hand is now a sticky dry mess, with deep purple bruises caking his knuckles. His heart aches and the voices in his head are back, the very same voices from all those years ago.

_You’ll never be good enough Dan._

_You will never be an actor Dan._

_You’re a mess Dan._

_Phil is dying and you aren’t ever there for him._

“I want to be.” He mumbles to himself.

_Well you aren’t, and there is nothing you can do about it._

Dan lifts his head and stares at his reflection in the remains of the shattered glass door. His face is blotchy and his eyes are swollen, his lips are dry and the bags under his eyes are dark and ugly. In short he looks fucking terrible.

He stands and runs through the door and into the flat, ignoring the voices in his head telling him not to bother. He grabs his keys from the kitchen bench and sprints out of the front door to the flat, slamming it behind him without even thinking about the sleeping neighbors.

Dan doesn’t bother waiting for the lift, and runs straight down the stairs at an alarming pace, but the adrenaline is keeping away the fear of tripping as he races down the thousands of steps that are between him and Phil.

When he reaches the street, a few heads turn his way as he heads towards the hospital. He must look like a madman but he doesn’t care, not now.

He doesn’t slow down when he reaches to entrance to the A&E, he doesn’t even know if he is in the right place but he runs up the closest desk with a lady in it anyway. With tears in his eyes, he manages to choke out, “Tell me where Phil Lester is.”

The lady gives him a sympathetic look before saying, “Sorry honey, but Philip’s parents have requested tha-“

“I DON’T CARE WHAT HIS PARENTS SAID,” Dan screams at the lady, who nearly falls out of her chair in fright, “I NEED TO SEE HIM!” a couple of heads turn including a nurse with long blond hair who is kneeling down talking to a crying young boy.

“I’m sorry sir, but I will call security to come and escort you out-“

“Don’t worry Margret I’ve got it” says the blonde nurse irritably, grabbing Dan by his sleeve, Dan protests as the girl pulls him around the corner.

“Let me go! Please I have to seen him!” Dan cries, as the tears come back. He nearly kicks himself, his last chance of seeing Phil was wasted because he yelled at the lady. Dan is trying to rip his arm from the nurse’s grip when she turns on him.

“Shhh! Stop struggling! I’m taking you to his ward, he told me you would come back.” She says impatiently.

Dan stops in his tracks and stares at the nurse. She’d be no more than his age, her eyes are kind and sparkle blue, a little like Phil’s.

“You- you’d do that?” he stutters.

“Of course, he asked me to. Come on, this way.” She says gesturing with her head. Dan follows her down a winding path of busy nurses and doctors. He looks into a couple of the wards, immediately regretting his decision when he sees a man vomit up blood onto the floor of his room.

When she turns around again she speaks in a hushed and hurried voice. “Ok he is in that ward there, I can’t go any further I have to get back to my other patients. Are you ok? Do you need me to come back and treat your hand later?” she adds kindly, staring at the bloody mess he once called an arm.

“I’ll be ok for a bit, thank you.” Dan says, heading towards the ward she pointed to.

Dan slides through the door into the room, and heads turn towards him. The room is quiet except for the heart rate monitor, which is slowly beeping in the corner.

“Dan?” he hears Phil’s beautiful voice croak out.

“Oh my god Phil…” Dan gasps as he rushes to kneel Phil’s side, not caring about the ludicrous look Phil’s family gives him as he grabs Phil’s hand. Phil smiles, and cups Dan’s face in his hand in a way that is definitely not platonic, wiping away Dan’s tears with his thumb.

“Philip what is going on?” Phil’s father splutters out but Dan and Phil ignore him.

“Dan…” Phil says with tears in his eyes, “I am so, so, sorry.”

Dan puts his head on Phil’s shoulder and breathes in his scent, “You don’t have to be Phil. I need to tell you something though.” He says when he lifts his head up again. Phil looks weaker now, and Dan can see he is starting to slip away.

“What?” Phil whispers, his voice tired and lacking it’s normal joyful touch.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I didn’t know if it was real, but I know it is now.” Dan splutters, more tears spilling down his cheeks. He takes a big breath and stares into Phil’s bright blue eyes. “I-I love you, and I have for a while now.”

Phil’s pale cheeks redden a little but he smiles nevertheless. “I love you too Dan,” he says, squeezing Dan’s good hand as tight as he can.

Phil’s eyes gaze around the room at his family for the last time before settling back onto Dan, his breathing becoming more labored. “Thank you Dan, for everything.” He whispers.

Dan chokes another sob, “Thank you too Phil.” He says as he leans down and presses his trembling cracked lips to Phil’s soft ones for a soft kiss, before straitening back up again with a sad smile.

Phil smiles back and his eyes begin to flutter closed. “No Phil wait, don’t go….” Dan trembles, and Phil’s eyes flicker open to look back at Dan one last time. “Goodbye Dan, I love you.”

The heart rate monitor all of a sudden starts making a loud constant beep, and the room is suddenly filled with nurses, ushering Dan and the rest of Phil’s family out of the room. Dan watches as the nurses swarm around Phil’s body, a tear slipping down his cheek.

“Goodbye Phil.”

**Author's Note:**

> oh jesus christ i am sorry. i'm a sadist i know


End file.
